Xcuse My Low Standards


Welp…I’ve done it. I’ve crossed the line and fallen into the abyss.

I voted for contestants on The X Factor.

God help me. I’M 48 YEARS OLD.

I seriously don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s like I’ve reverted back to my tweens. I mean, it was bad enough when I downloaded Taylor Fucking Swift songs (and proceeded to play them ON A LOOP), but now I’ve actually VOTED FOR X FACTOR CONTESTANTS.

And I managed to convinced myself that it was somehow less shameful because I texted the vote instead of calling it in. Because that’s more dignified.

Really? REALLY???

Never mind the way I blubber during the show every week. Seriously? Friends of mine DIE, and I don’t cry as much as I do when I watch The X Factor. Because menopause.

I often find myself in conversations with my more cerebral friends who discuss the books they’ve read or the moving documentaries they’ve seen, and I just nod my head with a dopey look on my face and a giant thought bubble over my head that’s all ‘I wonder what Alex & Sierra will sing next week…’

Heaven forbid anyone mentions the show in my presence. They’ll bear witness to what they’ll probably consider a psychotic break that features me blathering on (without taking a breath) about this year’s panel vs previous years’ panels. And don’t eeeeven get me started on the shitshow that was Britney Spears, whose music I once enjoyed (I know you’re shocked…SHOCKED), but can no longer tolerate because I suffered through her insipid unscripted drivel for an entire season of the show.

She really is stone-cold stupid. No, I’m serious. I don’t use that word very often, but there’s no denying it. She makes Miley Cyrus look like the fucking captain of a Mensa regional chapter.

This may be even worse than my filthy habit of watching The Young and The Restless and The Bold and The Beautiful. At least those shows are aimed at my demographic and feature commercials for cleaning products and reverse mortgages and adult diapers.

The X Factor’s commercials are for candy and toys and Disney movies.

Yet I proceed undeterred because we’re down to four contestants, and Alex & Sierra have a shot to win it all. And I will weep a river when they do. And then I’ll lament the end of yet another glorious season.

And start the countdown to American Idol (January 15th!!).

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