The Old and The Lazy


My hip hurts. I’m pretty sure it’s atrophy. That’s my excuse for not working out, walking my dog or cleaning my house right now.  I try to have a new one every day.  This particular excuse is only slightly more legitimate than my usual standbys:

–  Saw spider in the kitchen
–  Too busy working (read: surfing the web)
–  Can’t find my shoes
–  Outbreak of ants/stink bugs/centipedes is too distracting
–  It’s rainy
–  It’s muggy
–  It’s too hot
–  It’s too cold
–  It’s too windy
–  It’s too perfect a day to do anything but read a book on the patio
–  Need to catch up on Words With Friends
–  Need to catch up on DVR

I blame Pottery Barn and Comcast for my inertia.  Maybe if my sofa wasn’t so ridiculously comfortable I would be more inclined to, I don’t know…move around a little?

Also, Comcast?  The DVR?  Totally not fair.

I was at a happy hour last night and one of my friends stopped mid-sentence, turned to her husband in a panic and proclaimed that it was time to GO because American Idol was coming on in 20 minutes.  I looked at her as though she had two heads.

Me: Don’t you have a DVR??
Friend: I don’t like any kind of technology.  I wouldn’t know how to use it.
Me: Wait…what??  The DVR changed my life.  It CHANGED MY LIFE, I TELL YOU!!
Friend: ….
Me: No, seriously, you don’t understand…I am no longer a SLAVE to the television schedule!  I’m free…FREE!!!
Friend: OK…well, it was nice seeing you.  We’re leaving now.

Poor souls.

As much as I love my DVR, it does have a couple of drawbacks.  First, the advent of the DVR and the rather rapid increase in the size of my ass?  Not a coincidence.  Also, it’s kind of stressful. When it’s more than 55% full, I start getting a little squirrelly.  Knowing that five episodes of The Young and The Restless are waiting – not knowing what’s going on with Billy and Victoria’s adoption! – can put a lot of pressure on a girl.

FYI…two things: All My Children is on as I type this.  I haven’t watched AMC in about 25 years, but Erica Kane is still on and she looks FANTASTIC!  Susan Lucci must have a very gifted surgeon.

Also, I recently heard that both AMC and One Life to Live are being cancelled.  As a connoisseur of fine soaps, that hurts my heart a bit. I don’t watch either of them on a regular basis, but they were both a part of my childhood and my adolescence.  I remember my mother watching her ‘stories’ as she ironed our clothes and cleaned the house (back in the olden days when you had no choice but to do those things because snuggly Pottery Barn sofas weren’t a part of our lives and the magical DVR hadn’t been invented yet…also, Gloria Steinem’s ideas hadn’t quite taken hold).

It was bad enough when they cancelled Guiding Light and As The World Turns – both of which were part of my DVR lineup, thankyouverymuch.  I kind of thought the cancellation of those two giants would cause the genre to improve.  I figured that the other soaps would get the good actors from those shows and improve the quality of their shows.

What?  Stop laughing.  Even though Howard Stern once (hilariously) described soap opera actors as out-of-work waiters, there are some outstanding actors on soaps!

I have seen some of my favorite GL and ATWT actors pop up on other soaps.  Unfortunately, the quality of the storylines hasn’t improved much.  I mean, so far none have gotten more ridiculous than the Reva Shayne-Has-Superpowers storyline that signaled the demise of Guiding Light, but their writers are a far cry from talented.  Also, the grammar?  Awful.

Wow.  OLTL is on.  Dorian is still on and she looks exactly the same as she did in the 80s!  She must have the same surgeon as Erica.  Vicki Buchanan is still on, too.  Aside from a few extra pounds and a touch of asshole mouth, she’s held up pretty well over the past 30 years.  Apparently, she’s still with Bo Buchanan, who looks like hell.  They must have been devastated when HDTV was invented.

Well, it’s 2:30.  I have to watch today’s episodes of The Young and The Restless and The Bold and The Beautiful right quick.  Then I’m going to have to get up and get a few things done before Jack gets home.  I wouldn’t want him to think I sit around watching TV all day.

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4 thoughts on “The Old and The Lazy

  1. “As much as I love my DVR, it does have a couple of drawbacks. First, the advent of the DVR and the rather rapid increase in the size of my ass? Not a coincidence. Also, it’s kind of stressful. When it’s more than 55% full, I start getting a little squirrelly.”

    -is this in reference to the DVR or your ass?

  2. Oh I soooo enjoyed this one!
    I just had lunch with my sister and college-bound niece yesterday. I mentioned how I scheduled my college classes around The Young and the Restless (came on at 12:30) and The Bold and the Beautiful (ended at 2pm). I enjoyed going back to my dorm for “lunch” to watch my “stories”.
    My sister looked at me like I was crazy and I don’t think my 17 yr old niece even knows what a soap opera is.

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